best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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