Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
