Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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