I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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