So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
dude. I can hear the air.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
