I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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