I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
