Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
