I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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