if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
