i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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