nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
