I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
