I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
