if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
