I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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