Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
