I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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