There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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