he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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