she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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