They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
