DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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