I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
