he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
