okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
