You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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