Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
