No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
