I love black thongs
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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