So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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