Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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