if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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