I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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