its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize