Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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