You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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