you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
