Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
