If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Sober January is a disaster.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
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