remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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