Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
