i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
