so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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