But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
