His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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