After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
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Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
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I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize