I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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