Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
