I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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