there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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