I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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