so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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