I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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