Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
