I showed him my bush... on skype.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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