It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
