i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
