Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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