He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize