peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
