What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
