Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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