Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
