Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
