I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
