every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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