Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
