Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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