Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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