i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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