she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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