Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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