he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
