and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
