That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
